Positive Parenting and where to start

Having to deal with misbehaviour can be hard on anyone and especially for a main carer. In relationships misbehaviour is a sign of an unmet need and if you listen attentively a child will always show and verbalise how he feels. when you identify the underlying of a behaviour that is when you can work with a child to address his emotional world in a way that it feels safe, supportive and age appropriate.

1. Behaviour is communication (Procter-Legg, 2025)

Psychology believes children don't misbehave without reason, usually misbehaviour in children can mean: fear, frustration, overwhelm and unmet attachment needs.

Children's brain is not enough developed to control their impulses and to regulate their emotions.

Children are not trying to give the adults a hard time, they are having a hard time.

2. Time in (Attachment and emotional safety) (Cherry, 2025)

Research from John Bowlby and Mary Aisnworth have demonstrated that children regulate their emotions through relationships and not in isolation; consistent, responsive behaviour can help children:

• Feel safe exploring the world

• Manage stress more effectively

• Develop healthier emotional regulation

When children feel emotionally safe, challenging behaviours reduce naturally.

3. Emotional regulation is felt, not taught. (Cleveland Clinic, 2023)

Children's nervous system gets regulated in the presence of calm adults.

Naming the feelings can help the children understand what is happening and validating their emotions shows them someone cares enough to see how they really feel.

*Extract from Attachment theory in practice by Susan M. Johnson

Therapist: Adam seem to be the epitome of a hostile avoidant and delinquent adolescent but a moment after his father reached for him and wept at his own sense of loss and failure concerning his son, Adam told him:

Adam: "Well, I was mad all the time, I felt useless, a pathetic loser and it seemed like you saw me that way too, so there was no point in anything. Why bother? But when we can be like this, closer even, then I start thinking like you want me, like a son. Somehow this helps me handle my feelings and not be so overwhelmed and so angry all the time. It changes everything, it's like I matter to you. I told mum the other day, now maybe I can turn things around, maybe i can learn and be the person I want to be.

When a child is overwhelmed by a situation or his feelings he might engage in unsafe practices and setting boundaries with connection is one of the most important step in co regulation.

4. Evidence-based outcomes

Research shows positive parenting approaches are associated with:

• Reduced aggression and conduct problems

• Improved emotional intelligence

• Better long-term mental health

• Stronger attachment security

A large meta-analysis published by the American Psychological Association found that parenting programs focused on warmth, consistency, and emotional understanding significantly reduce child behaviour problems (Prime et al., 2023).

Where can you start:

• Pause and get curious about what need can your child communicate through his behaviour.

• Name emotions to tame emotions (Siegel and Bryson, 2011)

• Connection before correction

• Set clear consistent boundaries

• Regulation before reasoning